ASPCC

I was in my pajamas, watching T.V. late one evening. Mike was arriving home and when he walked in, our dog, Oscar, darted out the door. I’ve had to chase Oscar down a time or two, and I figured, Mike’s the one who let him out, he can chase him. I remained on the couch and when Mike hadn’t returned for about five minutes, I put on my shoes and went outside to help.

When I opened the door, the light from inside the house shone on the sidewalk, and I could see our car parked on the street in front of our house. Mike was on the opposite side of the car and Oscar was on the side of the car closest to the house. Oscar stopped in his tracks and I called, “Come ‘ere, Boy!” Oscar darted inside the house. I closed the door once Oscar was inside, feeling like…'Well, I handled that!'

Seconds later, Mike comes in and slams the door behind him. He bends over, points at Oscar and yells, “Don’t ever run from me again!!!” Mike furiously spanked Oscar’s hind end several times. Then he stood up, looked at me and nearly out of breath, shouted sarcastically, “Thanks for helping me catch him! I chased him around the car about 20 fucking times!!!” Then Mike stormed off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. I stood there, dumfounded for a couple seconds, then looked at my 12 year old daughter who had witnessed the whole incident and we both burst out laughing.

The next day Mike received this email…

This letter is in regards to a complaint filed with the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Chibburins (ASPCC). Oscar De La Launderia, aka “The Chibburin”, “Mr. Fluffypants”, “The Mister”, and “Mr. Oscarton”, has filed a complaint against Mr. Michael.

On the evening of January 19, 2005, at approximately 10:00 p.m., Mr. Michael arrived home. Upon Mr. Michael’s arrival, Oscar exited the front door of his home. Oscar thought it would be a good time to take a quick jog around the block.

With no warning, Mr. Michael began pursuit of Oscar. In an attempt to flee, Oscar led Mr. Michael on a high speed chase around a nearby car, which lasted approximately 5 minutes (35 minutes in Dog Time). When Oscar saw the opportunity, he made a dash to the door of his home and thought he had made it safely inside.

Mr. Michael pursued Oscar inside his residence and proceeded to “open a large can of whoop-ass upon Oscar’s hindquarters.”

Although Oscar claims no physical injuries, he is fearful of leaving his home in the event of another vicious attack in which Mr. Michael may again, “lay the smack-down”.

If convicted of this crime against the Chibburin, you may be sentenced to a fine of $10,000 in dog treats over the lifetime of the Chibburin in question and have to undergo 200 hours of anger management classes.
**********************************************

Oscar has since dropped the charges following threats of neutering.