Frozen Rattlesnake

C'mon! With a title like Frozen Rattlesnake...it's gotta be good. What do you think of when you hear Frozen Rattlesnake? As if I might actually get a response! A dry margarita, maybe?

Actually the frozen rattlesnake is a spin off of my VERY FIRST blog (that only Michael has read). And the story goes on...

Ok, so Monique breaks out this frozen rattlesnake, which was an awesome (but twisted) idea. Her boyfriend had captured this rattlesnake out in the country where they live. I don't know what made him think to do it and whether he put it in a jar before he put the snake in the freezer chest, or if he just threw it in there and it curled up next to the peas. Regardless, the poor snake coils up and dies, perfectly preserved.

Monique tells us they've already checked with the vet who confirmed it's dead and have also paraded the snake around at their daughter's kindergarten class for show and tell.

They bring it home and put it back in the freezer. At 3:00 in the morning, Monique decides to get it out and show it to the four of us who have gone to her house to party after the bar closed.

I'm pretty intrigued when I first see the frozen rattlesnake...I grew up on a farm, so as long as someone tells me whatever it is, is dead, it's all good. Monique brings it over and places the frozen snake in my open hands like a large paperweight. Gary asks me, "What does it feel like?" I reply, "like chicken". It was so cool. I felt the scales, the smooth belly, pet its head. Its eyes were like little round ice cubes. And when you shook it, it rattled. Awesome.

Little five foot Eddie is now darting across the room like a scared child, hiding behind whoever is furthest from the snake. It didn't help matters that Gary was saying, "it's not dead...it's just hibernating. It's gonna come back alive and bite your ass!" After we all took a turn checking out the snake, except for Eddie, who has just been yelling "get that fucking thing away from me...it's about ready to attack!" Monique tells Eric, "Oh don't be a puss!" I try to coerce Eddie into mustering up enough testosterone to cooperatively hold the snake with me. I tell him to hold out his open hand next to mine and we can hold it together. Eddie darts away again. I'm briefly distracted by something and then without even knowing what happened, I'm startled by a blood-curdling scream. I'd love to say it was Eddie screaming his head off like a little girl, but it was me. Apparently Monique decided it was the opportune time to turn Eddie into a man and abrubtly shoved the frozen rattler towards him. Eddie ricocheted off the kitchen counter into the adjoining wall and he threw up his arms splashing his can of cold beer all down my shirt and in my hair.

Just then the waitress comes back and asks, "Would you care for another frozen rattlesnake?"